Thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season

chop_stick @ 2009-10-15T21:50:00

2009-10-15T20:52:05Z

I'm so frustrated with my whole LIFE.

chop_stick @ 2009-10-11T12:32:00

2009-10-11T11:32:44Z

Ugh, I just ate a giant steak, chilli and pineapple Dominos to myself. Yum.

chop_stick @ 2009-10-10T10:45:00

2009-10-10T09:46:35Z

Fuck it, I'm going to buy shoes.

chop_stick @ 2009-10-08T00:03:00

2009-10-07T23:03:54Z

Oh and I now weight 7 stone 10. Woop.

chop_stick @ 2009-09-23T23:36:00

2009-09-23T22:36:56Z

I have been trying to read about risk management, but just heard the best gossip in the world ever and now I can't concetrate.

My body is your body (I won't tell anybody)

2009-09-20T15:37:26Z

I'm drowning in each drop but enough is not enough
& I keep saying that I'll stop over and over.

(As far as weakness goes, this one's hard to beat I know)

Rant

2009-09-13T21:41:29Z

What really bugs me is when people feel they are qualified to comment on films, they use this faux-technical language, and they attempt to really 'get to grips' with the content. They make massive judgements when they have absolutely no qualification which allows them to do this. When I was at university I was offered a lot of script-writing and film-related modules, all of which I avoided because I don't know anything at all about film. I took a detective fiction half-module because it looked really interesting and I LOVE detective fiction, but I took in despite the fact that 50% of the course was based on film. I went to one screening all term, because I in no way feel qualified to comment.

Having met Adam, I know I was completely correct. He clearly worked really hard for three years to gain the knowledge he now has from his film degree. He also has a post graduate qualification in film journalism, and he writes reviews and interviews for free in his spare time. He applies endlessly to film journalism jobs and is looking to do more of this, because he has put in the time, the effort, he is passionate about it, and most of all he is equipped to do so.

However, having watched a few films and having read IMDB does not mean that you are therefore able to tell us that 'this is just a rehash of its predecessor', or comment on a film's place in cinematic history, or give it a rating, or discuss the best track record of a film company. It's arrogant to think that because you have an opinion, it is an informed one. You are able to give your opinion and that is your right, of course it is. However, what absolute bastard hubris some people have in thinking that because they have a degree in physics, or English, or computer science, or simply the experience of having been to the cinema a few times, they are able to really discuss the worth of a film! It really, really pisses me off on behalf of my extremely intelligent, passionate boyfriend.

I also know how he feels, it very much frustrates me when people think they are able to comment on books in an informed way. They are art forms, just because they are easily accessible to all does not mean they are easily understood by all. It would be nice if people would have a little bit of respect for that and keep their damn bullshit to themselves.

Eek!

2009-08-16T21:23:20Z

First listen of Brand New's new song...
Sounds a little like Modest Mouse in the verses, but ohmyGodIlove it!
New album very soon! *bounce* Lady GaGa obsession may come to a swift end...

chop_stick @ 2009-08-16T20:19:00

2009-08-16T19:23:04Z

I love this song.

'& there was nothing in my clenching fists
& I can't wait for tomorrow 'cause I will let go
- Just ask me'

Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid

2009-07-30T11:23:12Z

Uhh, so Pixie Lott wants to be Lady GaGa. Hmph.

chop_stick @ 2009-07-04T10:24:00

2009-07-04T09:26:18Z

So, Night World books, which I read about 10-11 years ago, have been repackaged and are now being read by the youngsters. Also, they have repackaged The Last Vampire series which I LOVED when I was 13-15... Hmm. I feel very, very old.

chop_stick @ 2009-06-30T12:32:00

2009-06-30T11:35:32Z

''I saw her kiss him,' said Susan. 'I looked between the leaves and saw her. She danced in flecked diamonds light as dust. And I am squat, Bernard, I am short. I have eyes that look close to the ground and see insects in the grass. The yellow warmth in my side turned to stone when I saw Jinny kiss Louis. I shall eat grass and die in a ditch in the brown water where dead leaves have rotted.''

...

''But when we sit together, close,' said Bernard, 'we melt into each other with phrases. We are edged with mist. We make an unsubstantial territory.''
- The Waves, Virginia Woolf

chop_stick @ 2009-06-13T17:16:00

2009-06-13T16:16:45Z

Oh and if you haven't yet seen the Paparazzi video (Lady GaGa), you must. It is AWESOME.

chop_stick @ 2009-05-07T23:35:00

2009-05-07T22:35:36Z

Lady GaGa is touring on my week off!!! Please, please, please let me get ticketsssss!! I need them!

Sometimes I feel like sitting on trains.

2009-04-30T21:00:15Z

'When God had made The Man, he had made him out of stuff that sung all the time and glittered all over. Then after that some angels got jealous and chopped him into millions of pieces, but still he glittered and hummed. So they beat him to nothing but sparks but each little spark had a shine and a song. So they covered each one over with mud. And the lonesomeness in the sparks make them hunt for one another, but the mud is deaf and dumb. Like all the other tumbling mud-balls, Janie had tried to show her shine.'
- Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurtson.

chop_stick @ 2009-04-27T22:20:00

2009-04-27T21:21:16Z

Yesterday was our anniversary! Aww. Also, I am tired.
I am thirsty also. Adam should make me a drink. And hug me.
Oh, I am being told he needs attention.

Quote of the day

2009-03-25T22:47:45Z

'And sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on and your friends they sing along and they love you. But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap and it teases you for weeks in its absence. But you'll fight and you'll make it through, you'll fake it if you have to and you'll show up to work with a smile. You'll be better, you'll be smarter and more grown up and a better daughter or son and a real good friend. You'll be awake, you'll be alert, you'll be positive though it hurts and you'll laugh and embrace your friends. You'll be a real good listener, you'll be honest, you'll be brave, you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful. You'll be happy.'
- Rilo Kiley, 'A Better Son/Daughter'

You know, or I'll bitch and moan and complain. Either one.

chop_stick @ 2009-03-22T10:06:00

2009-03-22T10:09:16Z

I like this:

'Poor, dear Jade. She was a fellow guest on [Friday Night With Jonathan Ross] a year or so back and I warmed to her immensely. All impulsive spirit & smiles. What a life. Jade lived life under a magnifying glass. Magnifying glasses magnify (obviously) but they distort and they burn. I suppose she was kind of a Princess D from the wrong side of the tracks...'
- Stephen Fry.

chop_stick @ 2009-03-10T21:25:00

2009-03-10T21:54:14Z

I'm sick of hearing about people talk about Jade Goody and not getting to have my own little say about how I feel about the whole thing.

I quite liked Jade when she was on Big Brother, I had a faint respect for her for managing to make a lot of money out of the media who are willing to plaster anyone with the vaguest kinship to celebrity all over the news to sell their papers, and I find it incredible that someone from a background such as hers, who isn't gorgeous, isn't thin, isn't very talented or bright has managed to become so famous and, for a while, so loved in this country. I was not a fan of her bullying and her racism on Celebrity Big Brother, but as Shilpa Shetty, the person the bullying was aimed at (in case we'd all forgotten), has forgiven her and put it down to her ignorance and (lack of) intellect, that is enough for me. I don't condone it in any way and I don't think ignorance is an excuse, but I also don't condemn her for it and I think the backlash was sufficient for her to learn a lot from her behaviour.

The fact that she has cancer, however, is a completely separate matter. As far as I am concerned, nothing she has done in her life has caused her to deserve such an horrendous illness, and absolutely nothing at all could mean that she deserves to die so young, in so much pain, leaving two young children. This is the most awful thing I can think of to happen to anyone and I would never, ever wish it on anyone. As for the fact that she has chosen to conduct her illness and subsequently her death in the public eye, this is neither here nor there. Those people who choose to see it as a selfish act on her part, who do not care, who think she should have some class and shut up, who declare her desperate for attention, in my opinion, should really grow up. Yes, grow up. It all reeks of cynical self-backslapping. Aren't you oh-so shocking and different to the rest of the country who are blithely falling for Jade's tricks? No. I find it gross, inappropriate and immature. Jade has days to live, she is in pain, she has no hope. Do these people honestly think that Jade cares if she is famous now? Do they really think she wants to be slapped all over the papers looking shocking, a disgusting parody of herself? She is dying. I don't believe these people comprehend this concept. She will not exist. She will not be around to enjoy the fame, or the money, or the renewed popularity. It does not matter what she does now, and I honestly think that is the point. She is, first and foremost, a mother to two small boys and of course she wants the best for them and if that means making as much money as humanly possible - why not? She can't enjoy it, this isn't about her.

On top of that, Jade's shocking, terrifying pictures and stories have sparked a 20% rise in women getting smear tests, potentially stopping cancer and has forced the NHS to consider lowering the age of smears from 25 to 20. At 24 and a half, even though I was referred to my GP by the GUM clinic in need of a smear, they were reluctant to give it to me and ONLY agreed because I would turn 25 in 6 months and it would save the trip. It was abnormal and I have to continue to be checked as this could potentially turn cancerous. Maybe 6 months won't make a difference, but if I was 20 this would be left for 5 years until someone would think it necessary to check and I could be in Jade's position by that point. The photos may be horrible to look at and intrusive and uncomfortable, but they work. I think it is brave that she is willing to sell herself in this way to raise awareness. And yes, I honestly think that is part of the reason. Even if I am being naive, I would rather think this than roll my eyes cynically at yet another TV story and think I know better than everyone else. I'm sick to death of this attitude of irony and cynicism. Do people even feel happy anymore? Do people feel genuine emotions now? If there is a time to have a real, emotional response to the fake world of celebrity this is it.

As for the comparisons to Kylie Minogue (sorry Dan to single you out here, not that you care, I'm sure) - how ridiculous. Kylie did not have terminal cancer, and while cancer is still never a disease to be indifferent about, she was not in Jade's position. However, Kylie did not get this barrage of disgust from a good portion of the public - people hailed her a saint of our times and a roll model! How? Kylie has money to throw at cancer, she is not the average woman with children to look after and a job to keep whilst hoping the NHS in her area will allow her the drugs which may keep her alive. She raised some awareness and she handled it well, but this is NOT the same situation in the least, and I am sure she would understand the difference even if the Simon Amstell generation can not. I don't think Jade is a saint either, not at all, but I do think she deserves some respect no matter how she chooses to conduct her illness. She'll be gone in a few days and you can all roll your eyes and carry on with your life.

chop_stick @ 2009-02-24T15:21:00

2009-02-24T15:22:12Z

What does asbestos poisoning feel like? I definitely have it. Definitely.

chop_stick @ 2009-02-18T14:20:00

2009-02-18T14:27:18Z

'There was in those days, wrote a monk of Westminster, death without sorrow, marriage without affection, want without poverty, flight without escape.'
- Simon Schama, A History of Britain, Part I

Shoot it up and swallow whole.

2009-02-18T00:57:37Z

'By standing still we are partaking in our own degeneration.'
- Heather

chop_stick @ 2008-11-18T00:50:00

2009-02-18T00:53:41Z

'The only way for me to handle what is happening is to move myself forward into someone who has handled it. As yet that person does not exist. She has not those resources. I will have to make her as Jewish legend tells how God made the first man: by moulding a piece of dirt and breathing life into it. The dirt I have in plenty. The life I will have to draw out of lungs unused to deep breathing.'
- Gut Symmetries by Jeanette Winterson

chop_stick @ 2009-02-16T15:56:00

2009-02-16T15:57:34Z

'Poor little thing, she was keeping this student's letter as a treasure, and had run to fetch her only treasure not wishing me to leave without knowing that she, too, was loved honestly and sincerely, that she, too, was spoken to respectfully. Most likely the letter was doomed simply to lie in a box without consequences. But what matter; I'm sure she would keep it all her life as a treasure, as her pride and justification, and now, at such a moment, she remembered the letter and brought it out to take naive pride before me, to restore herself in my eyes, so that I, too, should see, and I, too, should praise.'
- Notes From The Underground, Fyodor Dostoevsky